It is doubtful that the thousands of people who watch the telegram group chats documenting the drugging’s of the victim (or the deserving toxic animal) know what the effects of the drug are. Why would the full effects be shared by the group administrators. Equally, why would everyone responsible for spiking the victim adhere to the guidelines. Why would the group in Berlin have the same view as the group in Glasgow. Why would the group’s core active members and administrators draw the same lines as all the casual members passively watching for idle entertainment. There is much potential for disconnect throughout the network. There are as many tactical reasons to engineer and control the disconnect as there is to control the information shared about the victim. It is possible that the smear campaign is so effective, and the hatred stoked so great, that the effects of the drug are well known. However, I refuse to believe that many of the people who are well meaning, and concerned about social justice, could maintain their self-image while knowing what the drugs do, regardless of whether the victims have ever cheated on a girlfriend or said something racist or not. Decide for yourself.
Headaches and glands
A headache develops at the front of the head, underneath of the forehead. It feels as if the head is being cramped and pressure if building. This will later develop down the temples. The nostrils become dry and hot very quickly and with every breath taken, the nostril burn. It gives the impression that with every breathe the more one is becoming light-headed. Later though, after say an hour, the dry burning in the nostril subsides and then a runny nose develops like one has quickly developed a cold. During this time the headaches continues and builds. I recurrently realise that I am clenching my teeth together, but after relaxing myself, it returns involuntarily. Strangely, when I clench my teeth, and when I run my tongue round my teeth, it feels like my teeth have a thick hard pvc coating.
Enervation
A deep-seated enervation develops, as if the weightiness pervades your body. It is reminiscent of days hiking without food, when you go far beyond what is healthy and safe. I know that the drug can rase the pulse rate from 75-85 to over 120. This is often accompanied by a shortness of breath, dizziness and light headedness. Within 20 minutes of a coffee it seems like you are physically incapable to holding your own weight upright. Even hours or days later, any sort of exertion, like climbing 20 steps, leads to a shortness of breath. If you are drugged a few times in the week it feels like your cardiovascular fitness has deteriorated to the point that it effects your cycle home that was previously a pleasure. As soon as you escape the spiking for a few days you realise you had been drugged for the previous week, because now cycling and ascending a hill is pleasurable.
Speech and motor mechanics
Perhaps more worryingly though, within the first 30 mins to an hour of a strong dose, the motor mechanics of speech are hindered. I began to slur my words slightly. It feels like your brain is working slower and maybe somehow the messaging to your mouth is even slower. However, this comes and subsides quicker than all the other symptoms. It is nonetheless frightening. One instance of drugging in Berlin produced this reaction and the woman noticed that I suddenly struggled to speak and she laughed and left me, but I do not think people here have noticed that I slur my words briefly.
Short term memory and incapacitation
There is a sharp and anxiety inducing drop in short-term memory. Remember that every interpretation of the world around you must go through short term memory first. This is not just a matter of forgetting where I have put something, it is being incapable of storing what you see around you for long enough to stich it together into a fabric that tells a story. When I was spiked at work, for instance, I could not remember what the customer standing in front of me was wanting, I could hear each word but I could not hold onto a sentence. I would struggle to hold onto the significant information but then I would look down and forget which button on the till I was looking for. I could not even follow a day time TV. I could not take it in scene by scene, only by a scene which was then forgotten. I could not keep the successive scenes and speech acts in my head and string them together. I would sit in front of a screen at work unable to write the simplest of emails, such as, confirming a change of schedule. I hope you can appreciate the challenge of producing a post every week. I am often writing under the influence of the spiking campaign, only stealing moments between the spikes in my pulse rate.
Loss of vision and balance
It is worth describing the loss of vision separately because now that my body has adapted to the drug, often the loss of vision is the onset of the drugging. I realise I cannot read very easily or watch TV as I did before. This gets successively worse, perhaps reaching it’s peak after one hour and lasting for hours. It can get so bad that it blends into the broader issues of memory loss. Initially I feel like I can see what is in each scene, only blurred. Then eventually I cannot stitch the blurred scenes together, then the blurred past reinforces the blurred present, and the blurred previous presence cannot be remembered at all. The blurred and loss of vision is separate from the loss of memory though. This can lead to black outs in extreme situations, before the short-term memory has time to taper off.
Collapsing and falling unconscious
I need to be vague to avoid being sued. Let’s say I was carrying out work that involves utensils or tools, on a worktop or a workbench. After drinking a coffee, my vision become blurred and I lose balance, more like my legs give way as the floor and workspace moves around me. I crash onto the workspace holding a large metal object and I send utensils/tools from the surface in front of flying to the floor. I then cling to the work unit/bench as I fall to my knees and struggle to hold my balance prostrate. At this point, a younger female colleague let’s out a ‘oh shit!!’ in a panic. There’s a moment of silence, presumably as the only other workmate present watches me cling to the bench and fall over. I was only 3 meters away from them and they had a clear line of sight to me. Then in an exaggeratedly loud voice he starts talking about something unrelated to anything hitherto to pretend I my collapse could not be heard. I did not fall unconscious this time. This does not happen regularly, but it does happen.
I did fall on unconscious while in Berlin. There is more time that I cannot account for properly in Berlin because I was so ‘out of it’, or I had fallen unconscious. I should say that I have very little experience with drugs. Only the kind of dabbling that might happen when you are an undergraduate. I was not in Berlin to experiment. However, on something like a date, having a beer to celebrate something with someone in my flat, I was spiked, and the women left before I fell unconscious. There are times when your short-term memory is so shot, that you just stare into space and it is hard to tell whether you have just snapped out of a day dream or if you were unconscious. The reaction I received on the underground, trying to get home after being spiked, did suggest I had just woken up.
A temporary loss of self
Perhaps the worst of all this, is a sense of self that is destroyed, but it is hard to describe this loss. It is just as hard to describe what has replaces my usual self. If you imagine holding a conversation with someone, something everyday but in many ways uniquely human, there are many elements involved. Most people are not even conscious of the vision and short-term memory at work, let alone the balanced tensions in all the muscles holding the body upright. It is more likely that our interpretive processes are always already working on second, third, fourth-order interpretations and decisions. We will be interpreting the face of the person approaching for signals of mood and intention, we will recall previous conversations for context, as the person speaks to us, we anticipate the sentence and where the speech is leading the conversation, we might anticipate what we will say I response, this involves estimating if humour or condolences, contrition or tribulations, are in order. All of these processes make up who we are as a unique character. These processes allow our nearest and dearest to recognise and anticipate our response as uniquely ours. None of these processes happen when you are drugged. Worse still, your body anticipates that they are already underway and accessible. A sense of urgency or panic develops. You try to begin basic mental movements- ‘what did he say? What does he want? What is happening?’. It is as if a hollow man is enclosing the negative space of your body. You suddenly realise there is normally so much going on in such an interaction, but you are mentally disabled. It is akin perhaps to lying in a road after a bicycle accident and seeing oncoming traffic coming but, when you go to move, you realise your body does not respond, at most, you twitch.
Change of emotional life
There is such a sudden spike in irritability that slight banging sounds that would normally be part of the working environment- a coffee handle being emptied of grind, or a door being slammed- make you flinch and jump. Everything that happens seems too much for someone to take and it is difficult not to react to provocations, yet you are aware of this sudden sense of urgency that takes over your reaction to what has happened in the past and what is happening around you. The drug is perfect for provoking a disproportionate reaction to the scenes of harassment that are prepared for the victim. Everything caught on recorder or camera should be considered in this context. The victim of this drug will begin to act in ways that are totally out with his character or disposition. The most sinister aspect of this came while reflecting on what people have done to me. I would start to rehearse what I could have said. I could have said I had not cheated, and that I was not cheating. I would find myself speaking out loud while reliving what was done, oblivious to what was going on around me. This would sometimes happen in public places, and I would have been ashamed of making a display of myself. This is something that had never happened before I had been in my flat for over a year. From that point on, once they had isolated me from friends in Berlin, I believe they just kept increasing the dose. Strangely, the spikes in irritability were in a backdrop of being sleepy and losing track of time and place, sometimes falling ‘asleep’ or falling unconscious. I did not think people back home would believe me because Berlin is so different from Glasgow or my village, these women so different, and the abuse so extreme. I thought I should try to meet people so that someone might see what was happening to me. This was when I thought I would try dating apps, but this was a struggle. I did not want a relationship, but I knew I was in trouble.
During the Covid-19 lockdowns I was safe and my health recovered. However, since writing to expose this abuse, the drugging has increased as I have proven myself stubborn. Men are being drugged and sexually assaulted, share this Substack, let people decide for themselves if this is just.