How a therapist might gas-light you, if they're asked to
This is the letter of complaint listing the forms of gas-lighting. In some parts of the letter tentatively claim that the malpractice is ‘probably’ just an accident. In fact, I was told about the scripted harassment in Berlin by feminists. The harassment is literally scripted and performed for successive victims. The feminists could recount the script of tinder dates and doctors to me line by line when I worked in a bar in Berlin, long before it happened to me. I wrote the letter to get an appointment with the clinical director', I decided to wait until the meeting to tell him that it was not simply malpractice, but a scripted form of harassment. He was receptive to it, but the investigation he promised me did not transpire. I continue to campaign for justice for the men who have been targeted and for those will be targeted. They will know when reading this that they are not alone, and they can reach out and make contact.
I know that the women involved in Berlin are not your average feminist, and not your average women either. I do not believe what is said about the British men targeted in Berlin, and I am here to support any victims. You do not deserve this. You deserve support and you should get it from the National Health Service.
xxxxxxxxxx
Flat ½
xxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxx
Email: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Mobile: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
CHI: xxxxxxxxxxx
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xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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xxxxxxx
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Ref: C1
Sent 20/04/2022
Dear xxxxxxxxxxxxxx and xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx,
I write to you both because there is no indication online to whom complaints about the practice should be directed. When I referred to the letters from the practice there were two types. On type was sent for appointments with Community Psychiatric Nurse xxxxxxxxxxxxx. These were in black and white print, some bear a badly photocopied image of the xxxxxx City HSCP logo top left, and badly photocopied NHS logo, and xxxxx City Council logo bottom right. Some of these black and white letters have no logos or official headers on at all. Some have a ‘CHI number’, some have a ‘Job ID number’. These letters have xxxxxxx xxxxxxx as chief officer. The invitation to an appointment with consultant Stephen Byres has original headers in colour for the above stated entities and includes some ‘points’ about appointments at the practice. These letters have xxxxxxxxxxxxxx as Chief Officer.
I write to make a complaint on the following grounds.
Inappropriate comments consistent with Gas-lighting
After I had divulged details of incidents which caused me distress, on two separate occasions, the consultant asked me, “why does that annoy you, I mean why does that bother you”. On another occasion I was tearful, and the consultant said, “I see that you are angry… [he then corrected himself in a seemingly intentionally formulaic way and antipathetic in tone] I see that this makes you up set, why does that upset you?”. That this shows a lack of empathy is not the main problem. I argue that this seems a crude, by which I mean obvious and brazen, form of gas lighting.
This exact line of questioning was applied by the nurse (
xxxxxxxxxxxx) in my two visits prior to the consultation withxxxxxxxxxxxxx. This line of question from Missxxxxxxxagain came in response to the confidences I shared regarding experiences which caused me distress. These are the experiences which caused me to see a consultant.It is strange that colleagues who witnessed my harassment warned me of what was going on and supported me to the point of saying I could ban someone from the bar. Yet health care professionals trivialize it to the point that they cannot see the issue when it is pointed out to them. Dr Steven’s insinuated negative gender stereotype on me to suggest that I was a misogynist. He asked for example, “Have you always had a problem with women”. This was ruled out by the preceding discussion in which I said I had always as many female friends as male, and that the first 5 year in Berlin were great before I was coerced, sexually harassed and assaulted. I called him out on this in the session, but he retracted the comment and said he never meant it like that.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxmade similar allusions which are included below. I never got to fully discuss the events that occurred abroad. Dr.xxxxxxxat one point cut me off to withhold from discussing my experiences further. He did so by interrupting me with something which insinuated I was racist (again stereotyping me as an insecure toxic white man). He said, “enough about the Indian woman”, when I had mentioned her only once. This was a gross misinterpretation. I was explaining that some Berliner women claim that the British are racist and that they hate Germans. I elaborated that I know that at least one Indian women, and one Iranian woman share their view and participate the abuse of British men on Tinder dates. I suffered at their hands, but the Dr. did not want to hear about it. It is worth pointing out that I explained that Berliner women (colleagues and friends) have informed me of this and described how it is done because they did not want me to fall victim. This is not a positive image of the women concerned, but it is not a sexist picture of all women, nor a racist picture of one Indian women. It is a cultural practice of a small group of women and men, a practice that other women in Berlin have testified to. There are, in Berlin alone, many forms of feminism and many forms of (self proclaimed) ‘activism’.It seems highly suspect to me that both the nurse and doctor use the same line of questioning which exemplifies gas-lighting.
Threat to withdraw all support/treatment if I did not take the medication he prescribed
At the end of my one session with the consultant, he told me he would not see me again if I did not take the medication which I did not want to take. He said this was on grounds that there is no point because he would only insist on taking the medication next time and he did not want to waste his time.
Intentionally heightening my expectation of future harassment and foreclosing the possibility for improvement
The consultant also insisted that If I did not take the medication, I would feel like I was being harassed at my next job. He said he could guarantee that I would have the same experience unless I took the medication. Even if this was not a threat, it was inappropriate to taint my new job with the heightened expectation that I would be harassed.
Inappropriate interest and insinuation of misdemeanour consistent with sexist stereotypes.
The nurse,
xxxxxxxxxxxxx, interrupted me to ask why being sexually harassed on almost daily basis would bother me when most men would be flattered. This was despite the concern which female colleagues and the proprietor showed on my behalf at the time of harassment. She also interrupted me to ask if I was still in a relationship with my girlfriend when I had sex with someone who had sexually harassed and coercing me for around year at my workplace. This was not relevant to my harassment and the events I was trying to describe. On both counts, the nurse was trying to frame my narrative in a sexist stereotype which some women might use to justify forms of harassment and abuse which I was trying to describe.Whenever
xxxxxxsummarized what I had been talking about, it was always slightly skewed. In the way that sexual harassment can be described as people wanting to have sex with you- ‘which is really flattering for most men, so why is it a problem for you’. While at other times she was very detailed and exact, for example, repeating all the abusive things said to me by two women at a past workplace abroad. She seemed to take pleasure in repeating the racist and sexist diatribe I was subjected to, she repeated it by the letter and with a smile, while skewing al her other summations of what I said, often in incredulous or diminishing manner. If someone in the medical profession uses her position to add to the abuse of a man on the presumption of his (male) toxicity, as I believexxxxxxxxxxxxdoes, they are not fit to work in a position where there is a duty of care to the patient. Her prejudice interferes with her work through a compulsion to damage the health of the patient.I tried to make clear my reasons for not informing my parents of my experiences abroad.
xxxxxxdid not understand why I would not. I stated, it would be hard for them to understand. I said that for me or for her its different. I said, “your young enough to know and understand the way younger people view things which seem quite radical to my parents. For them, it would be a different world I would struggle to explain to them. They wouldn’t get it”xxxxxxthen feigned to be flattered as if we were flirting “ooohhhh, how old do you think I am?!!!”. I paused, stuttered “ehhh… I don’t know”. I was perturbed by the reply until I realised that she was trying to make out I was flirting with her. It was totally inappropriate. She said in the awkward silence of me not know what to say, “oh don’t worry about it, it was only a silly joke”. This was petty and childish, and another way to make me fit her sexist stereotype of toxicity. I was a making a relevant point to counter her claim that I should tell my parents- The generation gap.
Other complaints in order of occurrence:
· The invitation to my first appointment at the clinic arrived 2 weeks after the appointment and the letter had been opened and taped shut with cello tape. It was posted to my neighbour. This is probably no fault of the practice. It is possible I gave them the wrong address. But I thought I should mention it given the following.
· When I received an SMS notification from the NHS I thought the appointment was for a phone consultation with my GP. In the weeks prior to the appointment, I received no phone call. In the weeks after the appointment I received no phone call. It was only when I called my GP to ask whether SMS with notification of an appointment had come from them that they said it might have come from the xxxxx Street Practice. Xxxxx xxxxxx from the xxxxx Street Practice said she tried to call me a number of times. Although I received the notification SMS well enough, xxxxxx and I decided to check that the practice had the correct number for me. Again, I acknowledge it was possible that I gave them the wrong number. The number she had was correct though. Thus, not only was the letter sent to the wrong address, but they failed to contact me on the phone, before and after the appointment.
· When I arrived for the first meeting I was asked if a student could come into our consultation. When I said no, xxxxxx xxxxxx said that was fine. I then watched her leave the practice and go outside. This made me feel uncomfortable, why was the trainee nurse waiting outside the practice? Why had they not asked me in advance if I a trainee nurse could be present? xxxxxx came in from the car park to take me from the waiting room to a small room.
· The room for our first meeting was extraordinary hot. For which they apologised. This happened two out of three appointments, both times they apologised as if it were a surprise. Is this a new practice? Do they have a new heating system? Have they carried out consultations there before?
· Walking into the room I gasped at the heat and started to take my jacket off. xxxxxx made apologies for the heat, she said she hadn’t been in the room yet. xxxxxx said she better take her jumper off because we would melt. xxxxxx immediately sat on the floor which was no doubt cooler. I didn’t think it was appropriate for me to do so. Retrospectively, I think it conspicuous that xxxxxx knew to sit on the floor immediately, within seconds of entering and taking her jumper off. She knew that the concrete floor with a thin carpet over it is cooler and that it would be cooler lower in the room. That day I made the mistake of not bringing water. I had to take my jumper off, untuck my T-shirt, wave my T-shirt to let air under it. I had to ask to take my mask off (with xxxxx’s permission). I coughed a few times expecting xxxxxx to offer me water. She did not. Only at the end of the session did she offer me water. I was parched. I popped into the toilet as she got a glass of water for me. As I came into the corridor, the consultation I would later know as Dr xxxxx xxxxxx walked down the corridor in front of xxxxxx. xxxxxx xxxxxx gave me the glass of water, said goodbye, and the doctor said, “sorry I could not help you with that”. About half an hour after I drank the water I felt I could not hold my eyes open. Indeed, I had to break off a phone conversation with a member of my family because I my eyes kept closing. I know that people find these consultation tiring, but I did not feel right for three days. Of course, it could have been something I ate, or anything. It could be stress. But to be honest, I have been holding up two jobs fine, and I have had consultations before. So that the stress from one conversation with a Psychiatric nurse would hit me like that seems unlikely.
· During phone conversations with xxxxxx xxxxxx in which we were arranging another appointment, she would interrupt herself and suddenly say “are you there?” and hang up before I had time to answer.
· When I arrived for the second appointment, the women could not find my appointment. I told her my name, when my appointment was, and with whom. With each bit of information she looked and said no, “there’s nothing”. I stood there like an idiot and said, ‘I suppose I could have got it wrong”. She waited a bit longer and said, “take a seat”.
So I asked, “do I have an appointment”.
“Yes”
[pause]
Is it today?
“Yes”
[pause]
“Is it at 2:30”
“Yes”
[pause]
“Is it with Doctor Stevens”
“Yes.”
[pause]
“Ok”
I just stood there, and she said, “take a seat”. This was all done in a passive aggressive manner, with an emotionless face.
· The third consultation was with the consultant at 2:30. He also began by apologising for the heat in the room (a different room from previous sessions with the nurse). He apologised twice and said twice that he had not been in the room yet. Is he new to the practice? Does he not have his own room in the practice for consultations? Are there any rooms in the practice made comfortable for patients? There are many rooms in the practice, and I seen a number of free rooms in the practice down just one corridor. Is there not, morning or afternoon, a room comfortable for the patients? I can kind of understand, with some strained belief, that maybe the heating is on through the night and they may not be able change that for some reason. However, surely by the afternoon (my appointment was at 2:30), there is one room that has already been left to cool to a suitable temperature, perhaps one rooms had already been used for previous consultations. How can the room be filled with such heat for my consultations at 2:30pm? I should point out that I am otherwise not sensitive to room temperatures at all, it is maybe worth pointing out again that the consultant and nurse apologised themselves for the inordinate heat of the rooms I was taken to, and thus they acknowledged the discomfort it caused.
· Dr xxxxxx of the xxxxx Street Practice did not arrange another appointment for me as he said he would on our last meeting on March the 16th. Instead, Dr xxxxxx cold called me on Friday 25th of March. This was a couple of days after I made a request (22nd) to my GP for a second opinion. The conversation ended with my GP said he would call Dr xxxxxx and discuss the manner. When Dr xxxxxx called on the 25th he did not ask if it was a good time for me talk. He said he thought he would call to ask how I was doing and how the medication was working. I was surprised that my GP had not already been in touch to discuss my complaints and request for a second opinion. I was forced to tell Dr xxxxxx that I would not be taking the medication and that I was seeking a second opinion through my GP. Also, that I felt the medication was forced upon me. He made it clear that mental health services operated by catchment area and the xxxxxx Street Practice (which he referred to as ‘we’) is the only one available to me. He made clear that he didn’t see anything he could do for me and thus there was no other option for me. I then had to break off the conversation because I was starting work in 30 mins. I arrived at work to discover my area manager was waiting to have an unscheduled meeting with me. I was not in the best state of mind for this because of Dr. xxxxxx unscheduled call. I have not heard from Dr xxxxxx since. I did try to call my GP but the number was not recognised. I have since contacted my GP who claimed he was waiting for a response from the xxxxx Street Practice. I have since not heard from my GP or the xxxxx Street Practice regarding the second opinion.
· Since starting my job there have been two comments relating to sensitive issues which I have only shared in the therapy sessions. These comments followed by laughter on the part of some colleagues. Of course, this could be an unfortunate coincidence.
If you have any questions please do not hesitate to get in contact me. I would prefer it if we maintained written contact from here on in. Please could you send letters that must be signed for by the recipient. This is to avoid private and confidential letters being sent to the wrong address and being opened, or arriving in my flat weeks after they were sent, opened, but cello taped shut.
Yours Sincerely,
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx