Chronology of Exposure to Gone Girl Feminism- Part 1

[The delay in posting this article was caused by an uptick of spiking and harasment by activists- my last post must have gotton under their skin more than usual. Please help me out and share your favourite article from interpocula]

This is the first of two parts that explains how someone who had never cheated on anyone could become the target of a feminist network that harasses, abuses and drugs men who have allegedly cheated. The rumour that I was cheating is explained in the first of the Rumour Series. However, I didn’t want to give the impression that the activists genuinely believed that I was a cheat, that it was a genuine mistake, on their part, to abuse and drug me, someone who had never cheated and was not promiscuous. The campaign is designed to work on any man. I also didn’t want to give the impression that these campaigns would be justified if the victims have, by chance, cheated on a girlfriend. I am sure that if I were able to sum up the abuse I have suffered over the last 10 years, the question of my infidelity would be redundant for most people. Unfortunately, I do not have the sparkling prose to hold people’s attention for as long Dostoyevsky. So, the first three years must suffice.

In the next couple of posts, I try to give the shortest possible account of the events that led up to me cheating on a girlfriend for the first time, around 3 years into the campaign. This would be used to retroactively justify the campaign against me. However, at that point, I knew that my girlfriend was the second activist to play the role of girlfriend and conduct an emotionally abusive relationship. I hope to show that the level of isolation and abuse that was sustained over 3 years would leave anyone mentally ill. While the victim searches out contact with someone who will treat him humanly and kindly, he desperately seeks a sense of agency while trapped indefinitely within an abusive network. It should become clear that a man who has never cheated could find himself saying and doing things he would have never otherwise done. This is the point of the campaign. Not just to entrap an innocent man, but to dehumanize and abuse him.

It doesn’t seem enough to say that the victims are innocent. Nowadays, innocence suggests neutrality, and neutrality on almost any issue is not enough. However, you should not presume that these victims are neutral towards women, or misogyny, or feminism. I have sat down with my dad to speak to him about the way he spoke to my mum. I took a woman to the sexual health centre as a schoolboy because their older boyfriends would not accompany them. In the 90’s as an undergrad student in Glasgow, I fell out with friends because they believed women had no place in the philosophy department. After graduating I intervened in a racist attack to protect two men, and I testified in court and seen the aggressor prosecuted. In the 2000’s as a Master’s student in Dundee, I confronted a man in my group of friends for cheating on my flatmate with a woman in our group. Other male friends challenged me on this and I defended my stance. Only 9 months later a rumour would go round Berlin that I was cheating, and no-one would think to doubt it.

Not everyone is so lucky to have such chances to demonstrate their stance on racism and misogyny. Even then, a lifetime of such actions makes no difference to Gone Girl Feminists. The campaign runs what the Stasi called a campaign of “social and professional failures”, in which the victim is shamed, shunned and cancelled because of rumours that are impossible to disprove. How would you prove you have not cheated? That you are not racist? That you are not a misogynist? Noone can prove a negative. Gone Girl Feminists offer people the opportunity to abuse those accused of some toxic activity, to express, ‘I would never do that’. However, drugging a stranger or spitting in their drink does not prove that you are not a cheat or a misogynist. Nor does it prove that the victim is neutral, guilty, or disgusting.

Rumour about me cheating

[if you have read Rumour 1 already, you can skip this section]

I told a woman I had been dating around 9 months earlier that if she was coming to Berlin, she could crash at mine until she found her own flat. We lived together for a few weeks, and I didn’t mind that Kitty and my live-in landlord, and friend, were flirty. Or at least I didn’t until I came back to the flat to discover he had told her that she could move in with us. Kitty was over the moon to find out we were moving in together. She was crestfallen when I told her she should find her own place, just as we had planned. Our relationship was never the same. After a few months of trying to convince Kitty I was serious about her, I realized we should split up. Meanwhile, Matheus had told me I needed to move out for a few months while Kitty was looking for a flat. I refused to move in with Kitty and I ended up in a terrible living situation. Then I was not paid by my work and found myself in debt, so I needed to find a new job, and a flat, or leave Berlin. Moreover, I had fallen out with Mathius for messing with Kitty’s head. Kitty’s reply to each of these problems was unsympathetic, “Why don’t you move in with me then?”.

I was exacerbated by how clingy Kitty had become. I had already told her that I couldn’t do anything more to show that I cared, besides moving in with her. I now needed to focus on setting myself up in Berlin. So, I told her that we should split up because she had suffered a lot, and the relationship was not good for her. She said “no” and told me to fuck off. She claimed I was patronizing her. I was dumbstruck by this, and I had no idea what to do next. I said I might go to a party in my building to get out of going to a party with Kitty, but she cycled across Berlin. Kitty stood watching on in the hall while I talked to young woman. When I quizzed her about this later, Kitty did not like how this woman was looking at me. This summed up how Kitty had changed, but perhaps she was looking for a way out. She could save face if she finished with me because I was flirting with someone or I was cheating on her. I knew no one at the party which was full of undergrads 10 years my junior. I did not care what they thought, my concern was with Kitty. She had just moved into a new flat and started a paid internship. She could be making a fresh start in Berlin. I have always been loyal and protective of friends, and I wanted to get Kitty out of situation I felt responsible for. So, I talked to the same women later at the party while Kitty stood nearby, and basically propositioned her. Kitty did not hear, and no one told her while we were at the party. This was already my third attempt to break up with Kitty.

For the full story, see Rumour 1

The pretend fatherhood

In the end, the word did go round that I had propositioned a girl at the party in my building, while my girlfriend was there. The rumour made it’s way to my new work place through the neighbour who had got me the job. She had hosted the party a couple of weeks earlier. I walked in to hear the tail end of some gossip, but it was the peculiar behaviour that followed that tipped me off. It seemed that most of the women on the job were trying to wind me up about women who have children every 4 four years to claim the state benefits. Women would choose foreigners, British men, who were less likely to stick around, and were less knowledgeable about the practice- or so the story goes. The story was elaborated on by different women over a couple of weeks, conspicuously soon after the gossip about the party had reached the office. It was carefully orchestrated with women offering bits information in a piecemeal fashion, as if they were just looking out for me.

It was said that the allocation of an apartment in Berlin was the main motivation, and having a second child would land a woman a two bedroom apartment, thus leaving them with rooms to rent out once the children had grown and left home. There was talk of holding up a cash job while the kids were at Kindergarten, only to claim full unemployment benefits. Another women talked about the Kindergartens providing three hot meals a day so the money intended to feed the children could be kept by the mother. This continued for a while, with some women being more pleased with their own performance than others. I did not pay the warning any mind for several reasons.

First, I didn’t have a girlfriend anymore, although they did not know that. I did not foresee me having a girlfriend anytime soon, so it wasn’t relevant. I had in fact never cheated on a girlfriend, so it seemed unlikely that I would ever be the target, from millions of men in Berlin. It just seemed unlikely that I would ever cheat on a woman. I never had, and I was already in my thirties, and I was hardly prolific. Perhaps the most pressing reason of all, was that I now knew about the ploy. I would not pay it any mind, even if I did fall prey. I did not realise how many presumptions I was making at the time. It seemed straight forward. Just, as I imagine, it seems straightforward to the many people who participate in Gone Girl Feminism. If I didn’t cheat, I wouldn’t be targeted. Anyway, it’s just a practical joke. Neither of these presumptions were correct and it is important for people to realise why it’s not that simple. Years of emotional abuse, sexual harassment and then a sexual assualt were necessary for the activist to pull off the pretend fatherhood ploy. This is the beginning of a chronology of the abuse.

The Test of Friendship

In the meantime, I had moved back into the flat with Mathius and his girlfriend in Lichtenberg (East Berlin). It struck me that they were almost ten years my junior and had had no experience in relationships before they met each other in Berlin. Mathius and Kasia made some huge assumptions about Kitty and I. Kasia told me, that if she were Kitty’s position, she would have thought that she was moving in with a me. Women following a boyfriend out to Berlin only for the man to break up with them, was a cliché in Berlin. I did not ask Kitty to come to Berlin, and when I said she could crash at mine, we were not even together. Mathius had no right to tell Kitty that she could move in with us. He had taken a fancy to Kitty himself and he made moves on her by playing the man of the house. However, it was me who would need deal with the consequences of his actions.

I confronted Mathius about his role in our breakup. He knew I had told her that we needed to end the relationship, and I explained my behaviour at the party as a way of giving Kitty an out. He said I should sit down with her again and break up with her. It was a delicate situation. They had no idea how angry I was with them for getting involved in a relationship they knew nothing about. They were several years younger than me, and particularly inexperienced in relationships, but I could not say that. There was only so much criticism I could make of Mathius in his own house. Kasia was totally dependent on Mathius and they were always of one mind. I sensed that Mathius and Kasia believed I had done Kitty wrong in some way, even if Kasia acknowledged that Mathius should not have spoken to Kitty. They were happy to deflect responsibility and save face. They would be eager to believe whatever they were told by the Gone Girl Feminists, and they would set a trap for me.

They told me that a flat full of undergraduates downstairs were hosting a party and asked us to come round. However, Kasia and Mathius would not be staying in Lichtenberg that night. It was strange how they were encouraging me to go to a party of randoms, while heading out without me. This was shortly after the people at my work were toying with me because I had propositioned someone at a party, also in the same building of my previous flat. I knew something was up at the party. When everyone in the kitchen was invited shots, for some reason people did not want me to geta any. When I went out onto the balcony, people left. While I talked to the only women who would speak to me, people made aggressive comments about me as they walked past us on the sofa. This women was eager to talk to me because she had been to the UK and really liked the accents. The woman I had propositioned at the party with Kitty was about to go to the UK, and made a point of speaking to me about the accents. The situation from the party a few weeks back, the situation I had explained to Mathius, had been re-created to test me. Would I take a girl from a party in my building home and cheat on Kitty?

At this point, I still firmly believed, in all my naiveté, that that people would eventually realise who their real friends were. I thought I was being generous by giving Mathius time to prove himself a better friend than he had shown himself in the past three months. After all, he did not know the consequences his actions would have for me. I did invite that woman upstairs because I was clearly unwelcome at the party, and finished with Kitty a second time a few days later. However, she did not come with me upstairs, and I left because the anomosity at the party was to much. Still, I was in my thirties, and I had still never cheated on anyone. More than that, I had been loyal to Kitty, to Mathius, and to Kasia for the time I knew her. I had done our relationships justice, and they had turned on me, each for different reasons. More was to come.

Losing Friends to Gone Girl Feminism

The next stage of campaign was to isolate the victim from family and friends. He will be drugged and harassed out of every workplace, drugged and harassed out of every bar and coffee shop. He is housed in a flat, or flat share, where he will be systematically drugged until he become seriously mentally ill. At that point, it is possible to provoke reactions from the victim that would have been unthinkable 5 years earlier, when he was cognitively and emotionally functional and integrated into society. So, the first task of the network was to get me out of the flat with my ‘friends’ and into a world of their construction.

This is not just to gain better access to the victim in order to drug him. It means that as the abuse unfolds, the friends will not hear about the sexual harassment and how their friend has absorbed abuse and refused to cheat on their girlfriend over years. They will not see the effects of the emotional abuse he suffers in the relationship with an activist, or the effects of the many hours in the day that activists have access to him at his workplace to perform scripted abuse. Most sinister of all, they will not see the effects of being held in a house and systematically drugged over years. So, driving the allegedly toxic man out of jobs, and out of bars and coffeehouses, is not just about making such public spaces safe for women, it is about isolating the victim so that he can be drugged and abused out of sight, and out of mind. People cannot imagine what he went though in Berlin, nor do they want to imagine.

Mathius and Kasia pretended to break up, which allowed Mathius to play out a script of leaving Kasia for a woman who, I would be led to be believe, was just playing him. This plays into a common trope in the feminist abuse of men. A lot of psych ops are designed to puncture the ego of men and make the victim believe that women are humiliating men and cheating on them, and their friends. So, I was led to believe that Mathius had been played by this woman, who never intended on leaving her husband, and this was why he ending the relationship with Kasia. This woman would later organise a birthday party while her husband was away, only to lead the party of people from her husband’s flat to a pub so that she could go back to the flat and have sex with another guy. This was shortly after she had asked if me and her friend if we wanted a threesome. I was dating her friend, and I was supposed to take from this offer of a threesome, that they shared their men. This should not have surprised me because Mathius said they had asked him for a threesome. All of this was designed to make me insecure and resent women. It was Mathius who set me up with this woman who was the first of two activists to play the role of girlfriend to destroy my mental health. It wasn’t until I encountered these two women, and noticed the bad acting between Mathius and his new love, that I took the possibility that Kasia and Mathius had feigned the break-up more seriously.

I’ll come back to that relationship, but let me explain what Kasia’s role was after Mathius and her had (allegedly) broken up. She came to me and said that our friendship was important to her. Among friends there was a conversation about how Kasia desperately wanted sex and new experiences. Our girlfriends talked about how loud she was at a festival when she finally got laid by a stranger. Kasia told me that her flatmate had offered her sex, but that she didn’t like him that much. Then she invited me over for dinner and made clear she wanted sex with me. I mention these stories because it was all part of a choreographed scene. There was a set of double doors that connected Kasia’s room to her flatmate and landlord’s bedroom. The network had set the set the scene for me to dominate Kasia who would yelp and wale while the live-in landlord listened through the double doors. I imagine the feminists were also betting on some competitive rivalry between Mathius and I, especially after he had flirted and made moves on my girlfriend. Despite all the incentives, I rejected Kasia. I was loyal to Mathius and I respected my friendship with Kasia. When this failed to drive a wedge between Mathius and I, another ploy was undertaken.

Kasia and a friend who I had known for a few years made out they wanted to move in with me, when they had no intention of doing so. They strung me along for a few months, claiming to book viewings, until I insisted on seeing the flat as well- I didn’t want to leave Laura to all the work. The point of every discussion about the flats was that I needed to tell Mathius that I was planning on moving out. Meanwhile Laura had allegedly been to some flat viewings. At the first viewing I participated in, Laura said she would have taken the flat, if I had told Mathius, but as things stand we could not. She made out the forms depended on Mathius. I told her I wanted to secure a place before telling him because I feared he would react badly. He was used to being in control and he could find a place quickly as a wealthy property developer. I told Laura that I could get the forms that the estate agent was demanding without Mathius. Then she changed her tune, and said she could not get the forms in time. I had called her bluff, and I could see she was squirming.

I was pushed into telling Mathius that I was planning on moving out. They thought Mathius would find his own place and over the flat he had currently to us. After I had told Mathius that I was moving out, Laura and Kasia said they were looking for a place for them and Adelene, and that had been the plan all along. They did not say this to admit to a malicious plan. They made out that this was the right thing to do, because they had asked Adelene first. It was unclear why they had looked for a three-bedroom flat with me. The obvious solution was to look for a four-bedroom flat for all of us, but they did not want to, for whatever reason. Stranger still, when I spoke to Adelene, she had heard nothing about it. She loved her current flat and the fact that she was her own landlord.

As I suspected, Mathius found a place quickly and I was kicked out. Mathius handed the flat over to Kasia and Laura. Adelene did not move in with them. Kasia and Laura kept the third room for a living room. This was all organised behind my back. There were so many little things that were done to irritate me and betrayed real animosity. They were forcing me to move out the flat, so that Mathius could kick me out, and give the flat to them. This was not just a blazingly selfish act to get a nice flat. It was an orchestrated drama to break off our friendship.

Although, I seen Laura move in, she would move out a few months later. Although, I seen Matheus in a very sparse flat of his own, he would get back together with Kasia, and move back in to the flat in Lichtenberg, just months later. I don’t think he ever really moved out. The feminist network organised people to help with a flat move that was just for show. In the end, only I moved flat, and into a flatshare set up to target me.

This was all designed to give me reason to cut myself off from my friends in Berlin. It was important that I was given good reason to break the friendship off, because my friends could not suddenly break our friendship off without revealing that there was a campaign against me. This is another central recurring trope of the campaign. Scenes are scripted and set up to ‘nudge’ the victim into making a decision which will precipitate abuse or or drugging. This is done so that the abuse does not appear as if it done to me, and according to a plan. This helps with plausible deniability. So for example, this can be as simple as cranking the heating up in a room to an intolerable level so that he asks for a glass of water. When he claims he was drugged, they can say, ‘…but I only gave you water because you asked for it’. My friends therefore gas-lighted me, and pretended nothing had happened. Even if this had been nothing to do with a feminist network (and at the time I was unsure), I still needing as explanation for what had happened. Either way, I was gaslighted and I was powerless. The only thing I could do was cut ties with them which, as it turned out, was exactly what the feminist network wanted. My friends didn’t turn on me and cut ties with me, it was my decision. So everyone can deny that there was, or is, a campaign against me.

Laura didn’t even speak to Mathius and Kasia before this series of events. So I felt something had clearly been organised. I didn’t even know what exactly I should be forgiving them for. Which made it so hard to deal with. How could I forgive them and move on. This of course, is gas-lighting par excellence. I was given the run around as I went from one person’s testimony to the next, and I kept asking them who was behind this, why had they done this to me. These were my only friends in Berlin and I had done a lot to show them that I cared. I had never cheated on anyone in my life. I was a loyal, caring, sensitive, friend. I was as loyal to Kitty as to anyone else. They left me a lonely target for all and sundry in Berlin to harass, abuse, drug and sexually assault me.

My friends thus conspired in 3 ways: First, they pushed me out of their flat into flat shares that the network prepaired for me . Second, while living with Mathius and Kasia, I had told them that I was going to apply for a certain coffeeshop/bar. Well into the campaign, a regular at the bar hinted that it was not a coincidence that a certain women started just a day or two before me. Knowing what I know now about the feminist network, I think Kasia or Mathius informed the network of my job application which allowed an activist to get in and get a job a few days before me. This woman was an activist who slowly worked on me and harassed me from day one in my new job. Of course, I did not realise until far too late. Thirdly, the woman that Mathius introduced me to, while I was still living with him, would be the first of two girlfriends to emotionally abuse me. I did have suspicions about this first activist girlfriend quite early on. However, the whole time you do not want to believe people would want to harass you in this way. Especially not your own friends.

I doubt my friends knew how serious the abuse would be. Nor that I would be sexually assaulted after rejecting an activist for around 1.5 years. This was the woman who was sent to have a ‘pretend child’, and convince me that I was a father. It’s not just a practical joke on someone who was cheating, it’s sexual harassment, emotional abuse, and sexual assault.

Concluding remarks

You might presume my friends know something about me, something that I am oblivious to, or cannot appreciate. You might wonder whether I’m aggressive or a hateful person, or that my friends had suspected me of cheating before, or that I had said or done something hurtful to them. There was no such occasion to doubt me. It could be that whatever initial story they were told about me cheating was compounded by other rumours. For example, some gossip from the first night I was out drinking in my village when I was 17 years old. I do not know what this second rumour is exactly, and how it might get twisted or exaggerated, as gossip does. It might not have reached Berlin in time to be employed as ammunition to turn my friends against me. For the full story, read Rumour 2

In hindsight, I can’t help but ask, why can friends not just confront each other about their behaviour. Laura could have told me that she thought I was a misogynist because she had heard that I was sleeping with women behind Kitty’s back, because she ‘knew’ that I propositioned women at parties while my girlfriend was there. She could tell me she never wanted to see me again. Wouldn’t this be agency, wouldn’t this be sisterhood, wouldn’t this be a way to fight toxic masculinity? If you believe in such a thing as ‘toxic masculinity’. Would this not be the most effective and targeted form of public shaming? It would give the accused a brief chance to reply, but would that be so bad? What are the benefits of systematically drugging someone over years so that he is chemically incapacitated, to some extent, every day for the rest of his life (8 years and counting). What are the benefits for feminism in drugging someone in a flat for a couple of years to such an extent that the emotional life that he was is chemically eviscerated?

What if, after all that, the rumours were false? People would fear that the fall out for feminism would so bad that they would double down on the smear campaign and intensify the drugging and the abuse of the victim. Only so that such campaigns continue against men. I believe some women accept this as a necessary course of action. Even this does not get to the bottom of the problem with Gone Girl Feminism- the feminists who spread the rumours know they are false.

This is the measure of how sinister Gone Girl Feminism is. The anonymity, the safety in numbers, and the plausible deniability that the network guarantees, means everyone can be involved in the dehumanizing abuse without any fear of the consequences. More than that, the discourse about the toxic Other and the belief in Woman (as pure, innocent, sweet, empathetic, truth-sayer) is such a predominant cultural force that people are willing to relinquish the human rights of friends and family on the mere rumour of toxic activity. No other form of intervention is deemed appropriate, no consciousness raising, no conversation, no rehabilitation. Meanwhile, the latest statistics suggest that, outside marriage at least, women are now cheating at the same rate as men, they are lying just like men, but this is not deemed toxic, nor does it put the belief in Woman into question. This is anything but equality or equity.